The Goddess Weighs In

Living Large and Healthy

A Lid for Every Size Pot

on March 22, 2012

Seeing as yesterday I was told that I’m great, but not “the one” this seemed like an ideal time to talk about love, sex and the fat girl.

I mentioned before that a lot of kind hearted, well intentioned folk, many of them related to me, were very clear and very sincere that unless I was thin I would not find a partner.  I saw other queen size women with partners, but because I was told that it was not likely, because no guy likes a fat girl, I was single for a lot of years.  When guys talked to me or showed any interest I didn’t catch on and on many occasions I let some great guys pass me by because I treated them indifferently or in fact was hostile because I thought they were making fun of me when in fact they were hitting on me.

So news flash – a lot of guys like the flesh.  A LOT of them. Just like any other guy there are jerks who love big women, there are mama’s boys and slick twits and guys who are just mean , but there also some really kind, loving souls who love what a BBW has to offer.

The first step in finding a partner is to let your guard down.

Not all the way down, you do need to protect yourself from the weird ones because there are a lot of those too, but you need to relax enough to hear the compliments, to hear the kind note in his voice, to notice that he’s paying attention to you. I was standing at a hotdog cart one day when this unbelievably gorgeous guy told me that he liked my shoes.  I said thanks and looked at him sideways and thought as I looked back at my shoes that I could tell him that they were my favourites too, but then thought that he might not care so I kept quiet and looked away.  The vendor wasn’t at his post and after a couple of minutes I started to walk away and the gorgeous guy called to me to tell me that the vendor was coming back. So I turned around and got my hotdog and beelined back to the office trying to figure out why this guy was so interested in my shoes.  I told a colleague about the gorgeous guy and the shoe comment and she just shook her head and sighed and told me to run back to the vendor because the gorgeous guy was interested.  I did not have a clue.

The next step is to work on your appearance.

Being short and round I tend to have a lot of my clothes made.  I can wear some stuff off the rack, but especially pants need to be fitted properly or they just look pinched and misshapen.  I had a dressmaker a few years ago who was a lovely woman and did lovely work, but seemed to always want to tent me.  I had beautiful jackets and suits that were almost too big because she was afraid to show that I had any curves.  I’ve since found a new dressmaker and she’s shown me that I have a waist and sometimes that means my butt sticks out a bit, but I end up with a really nice shape.  But be careful of dressmakers – they are not all created equal.  Fitting people, especially curvy people, is a true skill that not everyone who sews clothes has.

And stand tall and walk straight.  I must admit I have a real issue with some large people, male and female who sway and frump along.  Sure they may have hip issues or knee issues, but if they don’t there is no reason to walk like this. Unfortunately it can make one look slovenly and unkempt.

And then get out there!

Too often we stay in our safe places. I’m not saying you need to sit in a bar every night or wander about batting cages feigning a keen interest in improving your swing, but you do need to get off the couch and engage in life.  You may not meet your prince, but getting active and joining a class or going to a museum can be interesting and gives you something to talk about when you do meet your prince or princess instead of standing there speechless wondering if he wants to know that you like your shoes too.

I’ll talk more about sex another time, but two things: one get over getting naked and loving in the dark.  If he or she didn’t want to see those curves they wouldn’t have asked you out in the first place so get nekkid and light some candles which cast a flattering light.  Second, enjoy yourself.  Don’t worry about the bits that are jiggling or that your hair is messed up or that your make up is a little smeared.  I know I said above that you need to think about your appearance, but in this instance don’t worry about it and have fun.

– the Goddess


2 responses to “A Lid for Every Size Pot

  1. ivygrrrl says:

    I love reading your posts! Thanks for always having something positive to say!!

  2. ivygrrrl says:

    I love reading your posts! Thanks for always putting a positive spin on things! 🙂

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