The Goddess Weighs In

Living Large and Healthy

“Chubby Chaser” on TVO

on September 20, 2012

On September 26, 2012 TVO will be broadcasting a documentary called “Chubby Chaser” http://ww3.tvo.org/story/chubby-chaser.

I don’t actually have television so I likely won’t see it right away, but the TVO website says that “Chubby Chaser” questions North America’s perception of feminine beauty. It’s a story about sexual identity told by a man in love with the voluptuous female figure.

I was online this week and “Chubby Chaser” sparked a lot of discussion about what the documentary would and should cover. Boiling it down there were two main concerns – one that they hoped the documentary wasn’t going to be a one-sided fat is beautiful, hate skinny chicks rant and two there was a recurring theme questioning why fat should matter and can’t people just see us for who we are and love our personalities.

I hope that this documentary is even handed and doesn’t put down the waifs and those of average weight while attempting to glorify the obese.  This just pits one against the other from a different vantage point and doesn’t help the situation.

But the second point is just simply naive or at least seems so on the surface.  There was a lot of chatter about how many of us ample sized lovelies would rather our weight just not be an issue when it comes to dating and love and acceptance and all those good things.  But, we all have our likes and dislikes and they vary.  I prefer dating men who are at least a little taller than I am and I prefer that they are “take charge” kind of people and that they are active and typically of average build.  Yup, I said it.  I’m not that attracted to Big Handsome Men.  And I know that regardless of how pretty my eyes are, and how nice my smile is and how bright I may or may not be there are those who are simply not going to ask me out.  I’m ok with this, I don’t need to be attractive to everyone, and that’s perfectly fine.  I used to have a friend who was one of those women for whom a wee bit of make up made a huge difference.  However she refused to wear any make up because she felt that a guy should see the real her and that he should be attracted to her brains and her wit.  Sadly this didn’t pan out well for her since guys didn’t usually take a second look and without it they weren’t going to discover her brains or her wit.  I realize I am drifting into my mother’s territory here, as she firmly believes that lipstick, blush and a nice scarf will cure any relationship woes, but I also know that when I’m bumbling around Indigo I tend to pick up books with interesting titles and cover art.  That may not be fair to the books with the plain covers and I’m likely missing out on some wonderful reading, but that’s just the way it is.

But let’s scratch a little deeper on this second point.  Those of us who are more ample are more often overlooked.  Fine, it’s a fact of life, not everyone likes the package I come in.  The difference is that all too often instead of someone just finding us unattractive, people feel the need to comment about our size.  They feel the need to call us names or treat us like second class citizens, give us diet advice, or condescend and tell us that if only we weren’t so fat we could find a partner.  I’m one of the 5% of women who think that facial hair makes a man more attractive and I tend to like sexy or even “sexy-ugly” men over boyish or typically handsome. The difference is that I don’t denigrate the men who don’t fit my ideal.  They can be friends and maybe lovers it’s just that they wouldn’t be my first or more obvious choice, but I wouldn’t shut them out right from the get go.  With fat people, women especially it’s not just that we may be deemed non-ideal by some people or prospective partners, but we’re made to feel that we are less than human and actually shunned for not fitting the current aesthetic.  THIS is a problem.  You don’t like my weight, I hear ya sistah it doesn’t thrill me most days either, but I still have to go about my day and it’s not fair for anyone to make that difficult or uncomfortable because you don’t like the looks of me.

– the Goddess

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