The Goddess Weighs In

Living Large and Healthy

My Pet Peeves Include Humidity, Slow Drivers and Rude People

on October 24, 2012

While the first two are actually valid and not just my feeble attempt at sounding like a vapid Playboy centrefold for giggles, let’s focus on the rude people.

Recently I jumped back into the dating pool and it’s been a bit of a nightmare.  An old flame looked me up when he found out I was single again and after a few weeks of texts where I reminded him that we never would have broken up if it wasn’t for the fact that he would break dates at the last minute, or stand me up or just disappear for weeks on end and then reappear like nothing had happened and blame it on work or being “busy”, we finally made a date.  It was last Friday.  And on Friday morning I texted to see when we were getting together and got no response, then again midday and finally around 10 I messaged to thank him for once again crapping out on me.  The kind soul in me worries that something has happened. He’s fallen ill or had an accident and his phone was crushed or it died  and he would call me to explain except that in his weakened state with both arms in splints and his going in and out of a coma all the time, he can’t remember my number.  That’s the kind soul who can’t imagine that someone would be so rude and thoughtless to someone they supposedly liked or at least were hoping to bed that they would act in such a disrespectful way, not only leaving me hanging, wondering what is going on, but also leaving me with no plans on a Friday night.  Now granted I know he pulls crap like this and I should never have agreed to go out again given his history, but seriously who treats people like this?  I have trouble imagining what I could possibly have done to this person to have him treat me in this manner. I’m not saying that someone can’t change their mind, that’s not rude, that just happens, but then let me know.  A quick text or email saying “gee sorry I don’t want to see you again” is not too much to ask.

Next up a guy I met on line.  He is older, a psychologist, interesting, engaging and we met a few weeks ago and after an obligatory beverage he said it was nice to meet me and took off.  Ok, fine we didn’t click, on wards and upwards.  I was disappointed because I liked him, but it wasn’t going to happen.  Then about a week ago he sent me a message just saying hello.  I honestly thought he had messaged the wrong person, but then he called and told me that he’d been thinking about it and he really wanted to get together.  I was excited.  When he called I told him I was going to think about it, but I also told him that he could call and when he didn’t call I sent an email reminding him he could call and two nights in a row we had a couple of great chats.  We set a date and then when we talked the next night he asked to move the date up and I was good with that and Friday night I went to bed a little giddy because the guy I really liked, liked me.  He had asked if he could call me on the Saturday and see me on the Sunday and all was good.  Then I got home on Saturday and he hadn’t called, but I checked and saw that he was on line and sent him a note saying I was home and nothing.  I gave him the benefit of the doubt and thought that perhaps he had his computer on, but wasn’t actually working on it, or he hadn’t refreshed the screen so he didn’t realize there was a message, but it never occurred to me that he was ignoring me.  Then on Sunday I met with the Veganistas, got home in time to tidy up a bit and change and still nothing.  Again he was online, but there was no response to my previous day’s message or to the one asking what time I should expect him.  I tried calling, but nothing and finally I messaged him and said I guessed I would take the hint.  Still nothing from him.  Later I emailed and said that I was hurt and confused and very much surprised by his behaviour and his lack of respect.  Especially after we had talked about my sensitivity to people treating my time as less valuable than their time.  He could have just stayed away after our first date, but he returned, he was interested, he called, he wanted to make plans, so I am baffled as to what could have changed between 10pm on Friday to sometime on Saturday when it now seems obvious that he was ignoring me.  I’m not a stalker chick, in fact sometimes I am mistaken for being stand offish because I like to make sure that someone is interested and it’s not just wishful thinking on my part, so again I am left baffled and without answers.  If he’s no longer interested for whatever reason, then fine I will deal, but he could have sent me a quick email and said “sorry, not going to happen” and not left me sitting here like an idiot wondering what changed.

There have been two others in the last month who also have not panned out for similar reasons.  One just seems too paralyzed to actually set a firm date and stick to it and when pressed the other admitted, after four years of our flirting and my finally relenting and saying yes I will go out with you, that he really wasn’t interested in dating me.

I’ve talked to a few people and been reassured that it’s not me it’s them, but it’s hard to accept that anyone would knowingly screw with the feelings and time of another individual.  It’s hard to not imagine that it’s personal in some way like it turns out I have no idea I have stomach turning halitosis, or a really irritating laugh or perhaps these guys take a look at me and figure that I can’t do any better and I must be so desperate to start a relationship that I will put up with them treating me like this.

Newsflash, I’m good at being single and I am aware I have value and I refuse to allow the few who behave in his rude manner to let it get it to me.  That’s what I’m telling myself right now.  Well and doing a little whining about how I can’t believe that adults would actually act this way and that I can’t believe that I attract this many game playing losers.  But no really, it’s not me, it’s them.  They are rude, unfeeling, unbelievable jerks and if someone is treating you like this I hope you recognize that it’s not you and that you walk away from these negative forces.  I firmly believe that there is someone for everyone,  but while I thought I had kissed my quota of frogs I guess there are still a few more.

– the Goddess

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