The Goddess Weighs In

Living Large and Healthy

Let’s Not And Say We Did

on November 9, 2012

My first attempt at internet dating a few years ago was a little surprising.  I was pleased that there were so many men who found me and my curves attractive.  But I found that while some men liked or preferred a rounder figure there were some for whom the extra weight had become a fetish and others who used the weight as a means of control or domination.  I don’t really have an issue with it being a fetish to be quite honest, I’m pretty liberal in my views and as long as adults are consenting, then what they do behind closed doors is really not my business.  It’s not the kind of relationship I would choose to enter in to because his attraction to me would be based solely on the physical, and I would hate to be concerned with whether or not my partner still cared for me if my body changed.  And even if they did care for me they may not find me physically attractive if it changed.   Much like the foot fetishist dating a woman who loses her feet.  He might like her or even love her, but if the objects of his desire, of his sexual response are gone, then he may soon lose interest.  If this is the kind of relationship you are in and it works for you however, well feel free to ignore my opinion.

What does bother me though are those people who see the weight as a form of restraint, a way to restrict their partners.  I was once contacted by a man who told me he wanted to feed me.  I thought he was being romantic, and I was pretty naive about these things at the time, but I quickly realized that he didn’t mean he wanted to feed me little morsels of tasty delights shared by two moony faced lovers.  He wanted to cook calorie dense foods and then essentially shovel them in to me.  I didn’t talk to him long enough to figure out if he was aroused by the act of feeding or possibly force feeding or if he wanted to see just how fat I could become though he did ask if I would be willing to gain weight.  I reminded him that I have a life and choose to be in and of the world.  He said he understood, but subtlety asked the same question a few more times as we talked and I finally cut it off because it was just getting too weird for me.

As there are “feeders” so are there “eaters” so I suppose if that’s your thing I shouldn’t judge, but I do question the mental stability of these people.  Fantasizing about making a woman morbidly obese could be arousing to someone, again not my thing, but I don’t judge.  But to ask her (or him because let’s face it this could quite possibly go either way) to gain weight to the point that they lose mobility and cannot participate in day-to-day activities, never mind caring for their own bodily functions and grooming, is horrendous.  And then there are the really scary people who use the weight as a form of prison to make their partners completely dependent on them.  I remember reading one such story where a man convinced his partner to gain an horrific amount of weight so that she was bed-bound.  He had to rig up a special contraption that pulled her legs up so that he could have sex with her.  What’s worse it that one day he grew tired of her and left.  He left her broken hearted and completely unable to function.  She had gained a lot of weight to please him, lost her self esteem and self worth, which sadly were likely low to begin with, and she was all alone, unable to care for herself.  People break up all the time, I’m not saying that they had to stay together for ever, but she emulated his ideal for him, risked her health, stunted her life and activities and he just walked out one day.

Certainly it is possible that women choose to be “eaters” and some are on this track before finding their “feeder”.  For example this week I found a story about Susanne Eman. (  If I understand her story correctly she is vying to be the fattest woman in the world and she was well on her way to this point prior to finding her current partner.  She seems quite lovely and given her size I admit I was surprised to see how mobile she is, but I also noticed a large wheel chair beside their bed and when they went to a restaurant together she was in it.  There are lots of goals I’ve set for myself, but being the world’s fattest person is certainly not one of them. Vying for a title that requires me to put stress on my heart and other organs, strains my joints and renders me unable to care for myself isn’t exactly on my bucket list.

Susanne talks about eating in excess of 20,000 calories a day.  Her doctor says he would never recommend this goal to anyone and yet she just keeps going and her fiance thinks it’s wonderful. Had she started gaining the weight to please him I think I would be on the next plane organizing an intervention to rescue her, but it seems that this is a goal she has chosen for herself,  and he is simply benefiting from her choice.  Regardless of why she is doing it, I think she  needs some counselling because she’s not just overeating a little, she’s not just pleasantly plump, she’s going to  stress her body beyond its limits and die very much sooner than later.

Our bodies are our own and what we choose to do with them is our business, but I would encourage anyone who is considering purposely gaining weight to consider the consequences of their actions and then hopefully put the fork down.

– the Goddess


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