The Goddess Weighs In

Living Large and Healthy

Both Hands On The Wheel

on January 8, 2013

I mentioned bariatric surgeries the other day and how they are for people who have tried everything and nothing has worked to budge their weight or improve their health.  A friend emailed me and corrected me about the different types of surgery and how gastric bypass is actually very different from the lap band procedure and how it may be more successful than the lap band which can be more easily manipulated by the patient and blah blah blah.

All I could think about was how to figure out when one has “tried everything”.  I wondered where the point is that one bottoms out and finally admits that they are helpless and can no longer steer their own ship. I wondered if I have reached that point and I just haven’t figured it out or I just don’t want to admit it.

I’ve had really bad days.  I once sat on the side of my bed and cried because wrestling into my skirt was winding me.  I once went to a friend’s birthday party in jeans and a sweater and had friends joke all night that I was finally coming out citing my short hair and “butch” outfit.  The truth was that I had a pretty skirt and top for the party, but I had ruined three pairs of pantyhose trying to struggle into them and in desperation I had thrown on my jeans and finally headed out.

I have had days where I felt like I was drowning in my own body.  I rarely step on a scale because the thought of certain numbers popping up is often too much to bear. I’ve been quietly ignoring my doctor’s request to check in monthly to have my blood pressure taken because I don’t want to admit it’s a significant issue that I am not controlling with diet and lifestyle changes and being put on medication means admitting that I have a serious health problem.

I have back pain, I have circulation problems, I wear a pretty unsexy CPAP mask to bed each night, I doubt if I could fight my way out of a burning building, and I certainly couldn’t outrun a mugger, but I am simply not ready to give up.  And to me having surgery to reorganize my gut is just that.

I’m not saying that I won’t ever do it.  I’m not saying that it’s not the right choice for some people. But for right now, it’s just not the right choice for me. I still have options. I’m working on getting more sleep, eating better, increasing my exercise, getting the right vitamins and supplements, and discovering food allergies and sensitivities.  When I’ve exhausted all of that perhaps I’ll reconsider, but for right now I still have both hands firmly on the wheel and I have no intention of letting go any time soon.

– the Goddess

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