The Goddess Weighs In

Living Large and Healthy

Conquering the Rails

on February 5, 2013

It’s probably been 10 years since I’ve been on the subway.  I really don’t recall, but it’s been a really long time.  Last Tuesday night I parked at Downsview Station, hopped on the subway and went downtown for a friend’s birthday dinner. I talk a lot about fat people living smaller lives and sticking to places or activities they know and where they feel safe.  Last Tuesday I pushed myself out of my comfy space and I feel really good for doing it.

One of the reasons I don’t take the subway is because several years ago I realized that the turnstiles were not kind to a big bottomed gal and on one occasion I managed to get stuck.  It wasn’t a big deal, I managed to quickly free myself, and I don’t think many people noticed, but I was embarrassed, horribly, dreadfully, “kill me now!” embarrassed.  I decided Tuesday night that if I felt that I might get stuck I would go to the ticket agent and ask to go through the gates instead.  I decided not to be embarrassed or feel bad about it, I just squared my shoulders and off I went. As it happens I was able to navigate the turnstiles with ease and I blended in with the throngs of people who use the subway at rush hour.  I could have done without the crowds of people six deep on the platform at Yonge and Dundas, but again I just kept my head up and worked my way through the crowd.

Usually I over think situations which is why I haven’t taken the subway in a long time, but this time I just went with it.  Some of that attitude comes from me and that I’ve just reached an age or found a level of personal acceptance that allows me to be comfortable in such situations, but the rest of it comes from the influence of some new friends I’ve met in the last year who have a totally different take on their weight.  They are not into fat power and they would like to see the scales tip a little more in their favour, but if they don’t fit in a chair at a restaurant they don’t get embarrassed, they don’t internalize the situation and allow themselves to be filled with self blame and self loathing.  They say “hey this chair doesn’t fit me” and they request another one.  No apologies, no self deprecating jokes, no problem, just bring another chair please.

On Tuesday I chose to do the same and I had a wonderful time.

– the Goddess


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