The Goddess Weighs In

Living Large and Healthy

Unattractive Girls Are Interesting Too, Thanks Dustin For Spelling That Out For Me

on July 10, 2013

This is going around the interwebs right now http://www.upworthy.com/dustin-hoffman-breaks-down-crying-explaining-something-that-every-woman-sadly-already-experienced-3?c=ufb1.  It’s an interview in which Dustin Hoffman says that he felt he had to make the 1982 film Tootsie because he realized that as a man he’d been brainwashed to only be interested in attractive women.

I had seen Dustin Hoffman talk about playing Tootsie in other interviews and how he wanted to look like a realistic woman and not a man in drag and how disappointed he was for not being a more attractive woman.  Now in this 2012 interview he breaks down while he talks about his great revelation about women.. . .wait for it, this is huge. … you can’t judge a book by it’s cover.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Dustin Hoffman. From The Graduate, to Kramer Vs. Kramer, to Tootsie, to Stranger Than Fiction I think he’s a presence on film and that he has made some very interesting movies, but I really don’t need him telling me that ugly girls are cool and that men overlook them routinely.  I am well aware of how men AND women treat the “non-traditionally” attractive people and in fact if you go to the link above you’ll see that the person who posted this is clear that this is something women already know.  I also wonder why he discussed this revelation in 2012, 30 years after the film was made, and why it’s suddenly making the rounds now.

I get it, he’s a respected man, I guess an every man, and he teared up while talking about the women who get overlooked even though they are really interesting people with beautiful personalities and a man crying is news I suppose, but as someone who is not one of the traditionally attractive people I find it a little condescending to have this great injustice spelled out to me as if this is actually news.

I also have a slightly different take on beauty and attractiveness because to be quite honest I like being different.  I like that my friends and lovers have liked me for me and not because I fit some superficial ideal.  I have a tall, gorgeous, blonde friend who was in a very serious relationship and one day it occurred to her that her boyfriend wasn’t in love with her, but rather he was in love with the “idea” of her.  He was initially stunned by this comment, but not long after he broke up with her because he realized that she was right.  To some extent I have experienced this as well because I have dated men who liked my girth, but who couldn’t care less about my thoughts or opinions.  Thankfully years of experience helped me to weed out these people and now I am with someone who admittedly likes the flesh, but who also cares about my mind and my health and cares for me as a complete person and not just a great ass.

What Hoffman said is not wrong and it’s sweet that he cried and had this revelation and let’s hope that as a result of his words someone out there takes a chance on a person with a “great personality”. I just find it odd that this is circling the web as if it’s some profound kernel of wisdom as opposed to something that most of us already knew.

– the Goddess

 

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4 responses to “Unattractive Girls Are Interesting Too, Thanks Dustin For Spelling That Out For Me

  1. You and I may be the only people who had this reaction to that video. I saw how everyone was all “THANK YOU, DUSTIN HOFFMAN” and I just thought, I know he’s trying to be all sensitive and open-minded and stuff, but it felt patronizing to me, as if he just realized that hey, women who aren’t lookers might have something to offer! Maybe we *shouldn’t* be overlooking them!

    Basically he said that he finally realized that one shouldn’t judge the book by the cover. The fact that he didn’t learn that until he was well into adulthood, and that he’s still marveling over it today, annoys me.

  2. Lyssapants says:

    I hadn’t looked at it this way, but now I see your point. However, while it is true that many people (mostly women, in my opinion, because it’s more acceptable for women to be with “less attractive” men and not the other way around) are able to look past the whole judging a book by its cover thing, too many are not or this wouldn’t be a problem anymore. Based solely on that fact, I’m glad the video went viral and I am glad it was a man doing the speaking.

    Should he be glorified? Probably not, because you’re right, this is a “duh” moment (especially when women watch the interview). But, all the same, I think any genuine, well-meaning conversation on the topic will always be a good thing.

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