The Goddess Weighs In

Living Large and Healthy

My Self Talk Got A Talking To

on August 17, 2013


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I tend to self deprecate.  It’s an attempt at humour, but it’s also an attempt at disarming people and protecting myself. A few weeks ago I was hanging out with my friend Sara and I apologized to her for tiring easily and needing to cut the evening short.  What I actually said to her was that I was pathetic, and that I was sorry that I needed to take a nap.  She looked at me and asked if I ever listened to myself speak. She told me that if I was going to use words like that to describe myself then obviously it was okay for her to use them too.  So she heartily agreed that I was pathetic.   I looked at her for a moment and laughed, but she wasn’t kidding.   Over the course of the weekend she parroted back  Stupid, Idiot, Dumb and Useless in the same manner.  In fact she kept saying them to me and listing them for me in case I forgot the words I used to describe myself.

When I use words like that my aim is to say it before someone else can and to acknowledge that I am aware of my short comings, but I realized that Sara was right.  What I’ve been doing is giving people permission to think of me in that way,  I’ve been giving myself permission to think of myself that way too and that simply has to stop. It is not okay for anyone to call me Pathetic or Stupid or Idiot or Dumb or Useless and it’s not okay for me to call myself those names.

Sara told me that I needed to create a song list of empowering songs and she wants me to listen to them often.

I asked her for suggestions and she sent me these:

You Gotta Be – Des’ree

People Like Us – Kelly Clarkson

Unpretty – TLC

Mr. Know It All – Kelly Clarkson

What Doesn’t Kill You (Stronger) – Kelly Clarkson

Survivor – Destiny’s Child

Beautiful – Christina Aguilera

It’s Not Right, But It’s Okay – Whitney Houston

None Of Your Business – Salt ‘N’ Pepa

There You Go – Pink

Try Again – Aaliyah

Undo It – Carrie Underwood

We Will Never Ever Get Back Together – Taylor Swift

Whatcha Think About That – Pussycat Dolls

Born This Way – Lady Gaga

Don’t Stop – Fleetwood Mac

Feeling Good – Nina Simone

Fighter – Christina Aguilera

Hold On – Wilson Phillips

I Can See Clearly Now – Jimmy Cliff

I Do – Lisa Loeb

Many of them are also break up songs and there were a few she suggested which I have left off the list because I felt they were a little too desperate as opposed to empowering, but still it’s a really good start.

I also did a search and came up with a few more that I think fit the bill:

Take Me As I Am – Mary J Blige

Survivor – Destiny’s Child

Video – IndiaAire

You Learn – Alanis Morrisette

Human Nature – Madonna

I’m going to make a new play list for my iPod with these songs and I’ve posted a page as well,  If you have suggestions please feel free to add them.  Then pity the fool who tells us we’re not good enough or tries to put us down.

– the Goddess


9 responses to “My Self Talk Got A Talking To

  1. JD says:

    It was wise of your friend to point it out! I notice myself doing this too, and the way I counteract it is to scold the voice in my head when it says “ugh you’re so stupid” for example, with a more reasonable statement such as “no, you’re not stupid – you just did a silly thing for a moment there”. It sounds a little cray cray but that self-correction by the ‘positive’ voice of reason inside my head keeps me in check. It works for all areas of life and negative self-thought (work, eating, relationships) – challenge those thoughts every single time, and hopefully you’ll find that you have them less and less x

    • Thank you for this. The funny is that I often tell myself in my internal dialogue that I can do something or that I am doing well or looking good, but I didn’t hear myself talking to other people. I was trying to be funny and instead I was, as my friend put it, “my own worst critic”.

  2. Anita says:

    I want to say thank you – I will make my first playlist with these beauties. BTW I love the way you write – I aspire to such greatness.

  3. Thank you so much for your kind words 🙂

  4. Amy says:

    This might not count because it is kind of sad, but your song list made me think of Jill Scott – The Thickness –

  5. When I started reading the lyric I wasn’t sure what you were on about, but I love:

    Oh Lord
    Let her
    Let her recognize the magnificence you’ve created

    I will add it to the list! Thanks 🙂

  6. saraalicia says:

    I’ve just started reading your blog and its definitely resonating with me. I look forward to reading more.

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