The Goddess Weighs In

Living Large and Healthy

The Boobie Fund

on September 2, 2013

I have never in my life felt sunshine on my breasts.. . .until recently.

Yes, it is true, I was at a pool party not too long ago, and no I wasn’t drinking, nor was my judgement otherwise impaired, and in the spirit of “everyone is doin’ it” I bared my breasts.  I bared my breasts and no one flinched, no one ran screaming, and the world didn’t stop spinning.

Allow me to explain.  My breasts are asymmetrical. I know that every woman naturally has some asymmetry, but my special gift is that the difference is roughly a cup size.  I know that I should just accept what I have and not let it bother me and I wonder what message I would be sending by having needless surgery simply for vanity, but truth be told it really bothers me.  So much so that I joke about starting a Boobie fund to buy myself a nice pair of breasts, the kind that lift and separate and pass the pencil test every time.  So far my Boobie fund consists of 37 cents, a button and a paperclip.  Which is remarkably similar to the contents of the change purse in my wallet, but it’s a start.

Last week I had dinner with a friend and she was blown away when I told her.  She told me that she’d always had body issues and wished that she had my body confidence. Except for the fact that I was sitting on a banquette with my back to the wall I considered turning around to see who she was looking at. Here was this gorgeous, exotic, vivacious woman telling me that she wished she had my positive body image.  My pad thai nearly came out my nose.  She had to be kidding. Sadly she wasn’t.

I don’t think of myself as having an over abundance of body confidence, though I do wake up and get dressed and go out into the world each day and this body tends to come with me.  I had a plus sized colleague who told me that another colleague of ours, who had recently gained a lot of weight, came to her and with great earnestness asked her how she was able to come to work and show her face each day.  This woman was so embarrassed by her weight gain that she was having trouble functioning and was asking for advice to help her cope.  My colleague was so taken aback by this woman’s self loathing that she didn’t even raise an eyebrow to the insult she had received.

Perhaps I am brave. I wear this body with its asymmetrical tits and its wobbly bits and I go about my day.  Other than my bit of fun in the pool I keep it covered up, but I have been known to go sleeveless on a hot summer’s day and I love to don my swimsuit and get in the water regardless of what the pretty people might think.  I’m not going to start streaking at sporting events or anything like that, but I have to admit flashing my friends was actually kind of fun.

– the Goddess



6 responses to “The Boobie Fund

  1. andyparsley says:

    Do you accept paypal ? 🙂

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