The Goddess Weighs In

Living Large and Healthy

Please Don’t Feed The Fat Chick

on October 1, 2013

I read this the other day and it made me think about the number of times that people have thought they are being kind to me by giving me food or encouraging me to eat something that I obviously should not eat.  When I was in high school the cafeteria ladies took a shine to me, likely because I spoke to them and treated them like people, and so if cookies broke when they were baking them they would save them for me.  A few times they even broke the cookies to justify giving them to me and I was a kid who liked cookies, but I also put on a lot of weight.  I have a close friend who is very kind and knows that I like bbq pork (Char Siu) and almond cookies. So every time she went to China town, which was often, she would stop in to my place with a large quantity of both for me. She knew that I liked them, she knew that I couldn’t stop eating them until I’d licked the packages clean and she took pleasure in her random act of kindness, but she was also enabling the fat girl. It was a difficult conversation, but I had to ask her to stop killing me with kindness. She insisted I should be happy and enjoy my favourites, but consciously or not she was bringing over Kryptonite and I had to demand, quite sternly in the end, that she stop.  We’re still friends, and I miss the bbq pork, but I am also glad that I can still buy clothes that fit me.

The rules of etiquette demand that you offer me what is being served, but all too often people offer repeatedly until they’ve broken down my defenses and I can no longer stay the siege.  You wouldn’t tell an alcoholic to have a little nip,  you wouldn’t tell a drug addict that it’s ok to have just a wee bit of heroin, and yet there you are with a tray full of sweets or a bag of chips or a mess of chicken wings tempting me like a street hustler trying to get me hooked on smack.  I don’t believe that all obesity is the result of food addiction, but obviously food issues are in there somewhere so please stop “helping”.

I am someone who likes food, but I am also the someone who is going to have to “pay” for eating that extra little bit.  I am a big girl and while I have been roughly the same weight for the last ten years I am noticing the effect it is having on my physical and mental well being. Something’s got to give and first up please stop killing me with kindness.

I only have so many “no thank you’s” in me and then the desire for something sweet or fried or wrapped in bacon overwhelms me and I have a nibble, maybe two, and that might be all it takes to throw off my eating plans for the day or even throw me into a tailspin.  I’m responsible for me, it’s not your role to watch out for everything I eat, and in fact more often than not leaving me alone is the best advice I can offer, but it also wouldn’t kill you to have a veggie tray at your party and let all of us have a healthier choice. I’m just sayin’.

I’m guilty of pushing food on people too, though I try to stick to a two strikes rule and after that if you wish to eat something it will be because you choose to eat it. Of course I say that and just last week I had brunch with my ex and I put some of my food on his plate because I didn’t want to eat it and I knew that he liked it.  That wasn’t fair of me and next time I’ll ask first, and if he refuses I will put it to the side.  He can worry about what is on his plate and I can worry about what is on mine.

– the Goddess


4 responses to “Please Don’t Feed The Fat Chick

  1. nancytex2013 says:

    Very honest and insightful post. Again, I really like the balanced approach you take, where you expose the issue, but then take accountability for your role.

    I found that when I was getting a bit more hard core on food choices, I really needed to choose who I socialized with (and where ). My good friends were super supportive and would suggest venues with healthy options.

    Surround yourself by likeminded people – it should help!

    • Thanks. I actually have survived dinners where people are eating all manner of deliciousness while I eat a salad and it doesn’t bother me, but the polite harassment is where I draw the line. It’s hard enough to say no thank you the first time, but the 10th time it’s near tortuous and maybe it’s been a long day and eventually the defenses start to crumble. Granted I would also be slighted if someone purposely didn’t offer me something one because it’s bad manners and two because perhaps I’ve “budgeted” for a treat. Once again the moral is let ME worry about what I put on my plate.

  2. tifelayne says:

    I have some friends who really make it hard on me when I diet, and others who are very supportive. It’s hard to deal with that kind of manipulation. I really liked your post about this.

    • Thank you. I think many people who do not have issues with food or weight are really unaware of how their behaviour can affect us. I don’t mind people eating things I can’t around me, that’s going to happen, but the constant offering and justifying of “treats” is indeed a form of manipulation. Not malicious typically, but still difficult to deal with.

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