The Goddess Weighs In

Living Large and Healthy

Cheeky

I had to have blood drawn yesterday and I’m just not a bleeder apparently.

After two failed attempts the tech brought in their ringer, a lovely woman named Evelyn who I believe could get blood from a stone.

As she poked and prodded me, trying to find a decent vein I asked if it was my weight or if I need to drink more water.  She was honest and said “Mostly it’s your weight, it makes it harder to find the veins.”

I said that I am down 30 pounds and that hopefully the next time I need to have blood work done I will be down even more.

She smiled kindly and asked “Oh how much did you weigh before?”

I smiled kindly and responded “Thirty pounds more than I do now.”

She paused for a second and looked at me and we shared a  smile.

– the Goddess

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Just Something Gorgeous To Watch

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Live Long And Prosper

Today we lost Leonard “Mr. Spock” Nimoy.

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My fondest memories are watching Star Trek, the original series in reruns and the movies, with my father and brother. No matter how silly or how schlocky it could get Leonard Nimoy always seemed credible to me.  Of course there is life on other planets, of course they all appear humanoid, of course they all wear spandex jumpsuits and go go boots.  Of course.

I also knew that Leonard Nimoy was so much more than his pointy eared persona, he acted in other roles, he was a writer, a director, a poet and a photographer.  What I didn’t know was that in 2007 he published a series of photographs called The Full Body Project and if I didn’t already love Leonard Nimoy as I do, I would love him solely for this.  He asked plus size, size positive women to pose for him, to open up to his camera and they did so, so beautifully, so majestically, so wonderfully that I was simply in awe as I perused some of his photos this afternoon.

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The Matisse Circle, The Full Body Project, Leonard Nimoy

Leonard Nimoy was a Renaissance man and today I feel like I have lost a dear friend.

– the Goddess

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When The Moon Hits Your Eye Like A Big Pizza Pie. . .

Valentine’s Day is upon us.  For some it’s a day of fun and frivolity with the person they love and for some it’s a stark reminder that they are a singleton in a world that favours coupling.  Most years I’ve been single on Valentine’s.  I’ve talked before about how the people who love me were clear that no one would ever be romantically interested in a girl like me, so I just let the day go by and bought silly cards for friends or for my parents.  My father always sent me a Valentine, sometimes my mother does, and for a long time I just accepted that that was my fate.  You, however, do not have to accept this.  You do not have to be in a relationship to be a whole, beautiful, wonderful person, but you also do not have to live your life alone because people tell you that no one will love the fat girl.

A few months ago I got my heart broken.  Actually it was broken several times during our four year roller coaster of a relationship, but I was loved and I did love.  I am a fat girl and someone loved me.  The very fact that someone loved me and made love with me reinforced for me that indeed there are people who love women like me.  We need role models.  We need to see that, despite the opinions of many around us, we are lovable.

Today I found adipositivity.com.  There are hundreds of photos of fat people of various shapes and sizes in various poses and states of undress.  Depending on your workplace this may be NSFW, so please do be careful, but what I truly loved were the Valentine pictures.  These are pictures of of fat people and their lovers.  In reading the description of the Adipositivity Project the point is to show people of size and promote acceptance of all shapes and sizes.  Perhaps if more of us see that people who look like us have lovers and do love and are loved then they too will be open to finding love.  I often joke about being oblivious to flirting and romantic interest.  I’m not actually oblivious, I’ve just spent a lot of time ignoring these behaviours because I assumed people weren’t interested. Even now, several dates and a few boyfriends later, I can still be very insecure when meeting someone new and starting a new relationship. The same old insecurities rise up and I have to fight tooth and nail to push them back down. Pictures like the ones on adipositivity.com are not only for the education and enlightenment of the average person.  They are for the above average person, like myself, who needs to see herself and her beauty though a different lens.

– the Goddess

 

 

 

 

 

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Tess Holliday, My New Pin Up Girl

Today Tess Holliday (Tess Munster), a 5’5″ woman who wears a size 22, was signed to a major modelling firm.  She started the #EffYourBeautyStandard movement and now she is the largest woman signed to a firm. It would be nice if that distinction didn’t have to be made and we could all just acknowledge that this woman is drop dead gorgeous, but this is still impressive.

Take a look at my new Pin Up Girl:

tess 1

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tess 2

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tess 3

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tess 4

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tess 5

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– the Goddess

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I Am A Shark!

Shark

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Well that’s me then.

Rawr!

– the Goddess

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I Have Done The Unthinkable!

I bought a scale.

I haven’t owned a scale in nearly ten years.  Part of me didn’t want my self worth to be tied to the numbers I saw every time I stepped on and part of me just couldn’t bear to see the numbers period.  The problem, however, is that it’s the easiest way to keep track of my current efforts to get fit.  I  can rely on my clothes feeling looser and me feeling better, but sometimes before there is a noticeable change I’ve gained a few pounds and I want to keep a closer eye on things and the scale at the gym is out in the open.

I ordered the scale from Amazon and it arrived before Christmas, but it’s still in the box because despite what I just said seeing those numbers do intimidate me.  Today I found this and I think I will post it on the bathroom wall so I can read it while I weigh myself.

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– the Goddess

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Parkour Is My Passion…Stop Laughing!

I had a dream last night.  I was running a 10K marathon (or whatever you call 10K run) and it was in a mall.  I think Square One.  You had to run routes in the mall and then stop at certain points and do a task or remember the password you’d been given or whatever and then you could run to the next station which might be back or forth or wherever.  I was leaping over flower pots, down stairs, over railings, zigging and zagging around mall displays and all the time I was just on fire. It was a mix of running, Parkour and trivia and I was awesome.  I had no idea I was such a great runner, I just flew.   I didn’t win or anything, but I was a proud fat girl and I could move like smoke.
I know it was a dream, but it didn’t feel like a dream, it felt portentous.
When I watched Casino Royale, the remake with Daniel Craig, I was mesmerized.

 

I immediately read up on Parkour, it’s origins and its philosophy, but I figured I had to be thin and wiry and all muscle and so I shelved that idea.  And then someone posted this on Facebook.  It was a blog post by a woman who is fat and does Parkour.  Now she’s not my size so I need to work a bit on my fitness and strength before I join a Parkour club, but I realized it’s not impossible with some hard work which I’m willing and able to do.  I’m working with a trainer to build muscle and tone, I’m working on my cardio with water running and elliptical and adding in some yoga would help with flexibility.  I’m up for it, I’m pumped, and soon I’ll be climbing tall buildings, or at least ya know taking the stairs two at a time.

– the Goddess

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The Bane Of Runners, Dancers And Goddesses

Last week when I started drafting this post in my head it was going to be called “Pop Goes The Knees-al”, as I have been experiencing pain and stiffness in my right knee for a few weeks and I thought perhaps I would investigate some causes and talk about the necessity of protecting one’s knees.  And then the pain starting getting worse.   Typically, after a minute or so of walking, the pain would subside and while there was a bit of discomfort I could walk and move and do all the usual things that goddesses do.  By last week however, walking was becoming more and more painful and I found myself using my arms to pull myself along as my knee felt like it might buckle at any moment.

I’ve always been fairly careful with my knees and I strongly believe that someone my size typically only has one chance to blow out their knees resulting in a life time of pain.  I worried that it might be arthritis setting in as both my mother and my maternal grandmother had bad knees, and my mother now has a knee replacement, but I hoped that my pain was a remnant from tripping up a curb in Florida or from having twisted my knee in the pool while running on the spot, a moment I remember vividly because I thought to myself at the time “Ah, that’s going to hurt.”

I had a massage last Wednesday and I mentioned to the RMT that I was dealing with increasing knee pain and we talked about possible causes including arthritis, injury or fluid retention, and then she mentioned referred pain.  She suggested that she spend some time on my thigh to see if she could loosen it up a bit and possibly even work on some trigger points that might manifest like knee pain.  I agreed and while the massage on my thigh was painful, after the session I felt much better.  The pain wasn’t completely gone, but it was much reduced and I happily saw my trainer later that day and then had dinner with a friend and I felt great.

And then it snowed.  I didn’t trip or fall, but I was held prisoner in my car for two and a half hours of stop and start traffic in the morning and nearly three hours in the evening, and by the time I got out of my car on Thursday night I was in so much pain that I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get out of my car, never mind walk up my front steps.  Friday was a lighter day due to a work luncheon, except that I wasn’t able to snag parking close to the office and the lunch was a one kilometre walk from my building.  Not impossible most days, but on Friday it was excructiating.  On the way there I walked with patient co-workers, but the pain was brutal. On the way back I travelled solo and twice rested on obliging benches.  I managed to get through the day, but by the end I couldn’t lift my knee up to get into the car and I had to sort of swing it up and over in order to get in.

Friday night saw no relief in the pain or swelling despite rest and likely more Ibuprofen than is recommended and Saturday I put my legs up the wall and even broke out the special stockings for my circulation issues because I was started to worry that the pain could be related to my bad veins.  As the day progressed and I rested more the pain in the knee started to subside, but I noticed that my shin was really sore, and the knee pain didn’t feel like it was in the joint, but rather just below the knee.  A bit of googling and I realized that likely the pain was shin splints.

I wear orthotics, I do low impact running in the pool, I make sure I have proper form on the elliptical, but with all of me bearing down on me it’s quite possible that I’ve developed an injury despite my best efforts. I am going to the doctor this week in hope of a definitive answer, but I think I’m right.  I think that my knee is fine and that with rest my shin should be on the mend.  Another option might be a stress fracture, but I’m going to think happy thoughts and tuck my inner hypochondriac back into her hidey hole.

My trainer has told me that I am an athlete, that I have the build and body awareness of an athlete.  Up until now the only thing I thought I shared with athlete’s was their fungus, but now it appears I may also have their injuries.

– the Goddess

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Random Thoughts On Re-Entering The Real World

The first week of September I set off on my own personal boot camp.  The first six weeks in Florida were great and while I didn’t quite stick to my original plan in terms of intensity I did increase my cardio endurance and my overall strength and I got plenty of rest which I desperately needed.  My version of boot camp was nowhere near as intense as reality tv versions, nor was it even as intense as I originally planned, but it was a positive experience and I while I didn’t drop a tonne of weight, I felt a lot more fit and there were noticeable changes in my body shape. These are shots of me in Clearwater, Palm Beach, Homestead, and Key West.

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  • For the last two weeks of boot camp I returned home and planned out a schedule that included walking every day and going to the gym every day.  I will spare you the suspense, this didn’t quite go to plan, in fact the original title of this post was “A Few Bumps Upon Re-Entry”.  I did join the gym and I do my crunches and running in the pool, and I even went for a personal training session, but the walking thing just didn’t happen.  As the boyfriend pointed out when we were walking the length of Key West, a 5km day I’d just like to brag, “Walking sucks where you’re overweight”.  I knew this, but I had high hopes that with my new level of fitness it would become easier.  It didn’t and while I have a long term goal of walking to the Go bus each morning, I have to accept that it’s just not going to happen right now.
  • Being back and work and in the thick of “real life” I have allowed it to interfere with my plans of being at the gym everyday, not to mention the snow and 100km winds the other day which make it difficult to convince oneself to jump in the pool when one’s natural urge is to retreat to the couch, but I continue to make positive changes.  I now have my gym clothes in the car at all times, I am pre-cooking lunches and dinners so I can grab and go with healthier choices, and I am taking more breaks at work to stretch and move about.
  • The boyfriend and I didn’t survive boot camp.  Six weeks, 24/7 with anyone is tricky, but if you’re keeping score this is third time we’ve broken up since I started this blog.  On the upside I’ll have more time to sleep and hit the gym.
  • I have fritzed my second waterproof mp3 player, well it works intermittently, so I have ordered a waterproof sleeve for my iPod.  I’ll see how that goes because the next step is to start getting into more serious money and most reviews note that the whole waterproof thing can be a bit dodgy.  I will keep trying to find a solution though since running without music is right up there with watching paint dry.
  • I have decided that boot camp is not over, it’s just a little different.  I’m trying to eliminate as many obstacles as possible to get to the gym or do an exercise video.  First up is cleaning my house from top to bottom.  I don’t mean wiping a duster across the surfaces, I mean taking it right back to the walls.  I’ve been on a de-junking quest for a while now and each round I get more and more brutal about getting rid of stuff.  This time large pieces of furniture are going out, tools, appliances, you name it.  I’ve also emptied everything out of my guest room and I am considering turning it into a yoga and meditation room.  My budget may have something to say about that plan, but it would be nice.

– the Goddess

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